| Bloody Mary | ||||
| Ronnie Biggs | Sid Caesar | Terry Carter | Robert Conrad | Tony Curtis |
| Bill Dana | Louis Farrakhan | 50 Cent | Whitey Ford | Annette Funicello |
| Merle Haggard | Larry Hagman | David Hasselhoff | Russell Johnson | Richard Kiel |
| B. B. King | Patricia Neal | Aaron Neville | Sandra Day O’Conner | Wayne Osmond |
| David Prowse | William Schallert | Orlando Thomas | Max Von Sydow | Ethan Zahn |
| Cemetery Polka | ||||
| John Brodie | Pat Burns | Rae Carruth | Randy “Duke” Cunningham | Al Davis |
| Fats Domino | George Dukmejian | Lou Duva | June Foray | Jack Germond |
| Monty Hall | John Henry Johnson | James J. Kilpatrick | Ralph Kiner | Bernie Madoff |
| Jimmy Pearsal | Rose Marie | Illitch Ramirez Sanchez | George Scultz | Grace Slick |
| Pat Summerall | Roy Tarpley | Dmitrius Underwood | Earl Weaver | William Windom |
| Deadbeats | ||||
| Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi | Paul Allen | Ronnie Biggs | Patrick Burns | Elizabeth Dawn |
| Elizabeth Edwards | Pete Domenici | Patricia Dunn | Pete Duranko | Roger Ebert |
| John Forsythe | Annette Funicello | James Garner | Ernie Harwell | Steve Jobs |
| Kathryn Joosten | Simon MacCorkindale | Eleanor Mondale | Steve Smith | Ron Springs |
| Ricky Stone | Charles Strahl | Orlando Thomas | Amy Winehouse | Ethan Zohn |
| Deathscore | ||||
| Seve Ballesteros | Shirley Temple Black | Edward Brooke | Fidel Castro | |
| Dick Cheney | Kirk Douglas | Roger Ebert | Elizabeth Edwards | Louis Farrakhan |
| Zsa Zsa Gabor | Reverend Billy Graham | Steve Jobs | Kim Jong-Il | Rush Limbaugh |
| Bernie Madoff | Nelson Mandela | Eleanor Mondale | Robert Mugabe | Sharon Osbourne |
| Nancy Reagan | Ariel Sharon | King Norodom Sihanouk | Elizabeth Taylor | Amy Winehouse |
| Dirtycheeks | ||||
| Kirstie Alley | Cris Angel | Ed Asner | Wilford Brimley | Mel Brooks |
| Jimmy Carter | Dick Cheney | Dick Clark | Clarence Clemmons | Bill Cosby |
| Andy Dick | Phyllis Diller | Kirk Douglas | Elizabeth Edwards | Reverend Billy Graham |
| Andy Griffith | George Jones | Jerry Lee Lewis | Lindsay Lohan | Loretta Lynn |
| Prince Philip | Don Rickles | Charlie Sheen | Margaret Thatcher | Jonathan Winters |
| Exeunt Omnes | ||||
| Mahmet Ali Agca | Anwar al Awlaki | Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi | Muhammad Ali | Seve Ballesteros |
| Mischa Barton | Jimmy Carter | Dominic Chianese | Dick Clark | Ruth Bader Ginsburg |
| Rudy Giuliani | Bryant Gumbel | Ernie Harwell | Candye Kane | Mikhail Kasyanov |
| Cormac McCarthy | Mario Moraes | Merlin Olsen | Haley Joel Osment | Terry Pratchett |
| Dave Rose | Debbie Ryan | Mark Sanford | Abe Vigoda | Umaru Yar'Adua |
| Go Fish | ||||
| Diane Allen | Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi | Seve Ballesteros | Dana Bible | |
| Moussa Dadis Camara | Ronnie James Dio | Elizabeth Edwards | Ernie Harwell | Sindi Hawkins |
| Johnny "Lam" Jones | Brian Lenihan Jr. | Maurice Lucas | Simon MacCorkindale | Chris Norwell |
| Merlin Olsen | Alicia Parlette | Lisa Ray | Dave Rose | |
| Steve Smith | Ricky Stone | Tara Subkoff | Orlando Thomas | Ethan Zohn |
| Graydon | ||||
| Patty Andrews | Barbara Billingsley | Senator Robert Byrd | Dick Cheney | Harrison Dillard |
| Betty Ford | John Forsythe | Zsa Zsa Gabor | Reverend Billy Graham | Bryant Gumbel |
| Dolores Hope | Monte Irvin | Kathryn Joosten | Ralph Kiner | Jack Lalanne |
| Brian Lenihan | Art Linkletter | Mitch Miller | Andy Pafko | Nancy Reagan |
| Carl Reiner | Andy Rooney | Duke Snider | Mike Wallace | Betty White |
| Hank | ||||
| Steve Adler | Bob Barker | Gary Busey | Dick Clark | Elizabeth Edwards |
| Betty Ford | Annette Funicello | Zsa Zsa Gabor | Teri Garr | Steven Jobs |
| Art Linkletter | John Mahoney | Charles Manson | Rue McClanahan | Mindy McReady |
| Mitch Miller | Liza Minelli | Richard Olney | "Rowdy" Roddy Piper | Sherwood Schwartz |
| Tom Sizemore | Brittney Spears | Phil Spector | Maurice White | Hank Williams III |
| Hell's Little Angel | ||||
| Georgio Armani | Sarah Brady | Mel Brooks | John Demjanjuk | |
| Bob Dole | Pete Duranko | Joe Ferguson | Fyvush Finkel | Mikhail Gorbachev |
| Harold Gould | Bill Keane | Irvin Kershner | Jack Kevorkian | Stephanie Kwolek |
| Robert Mugabe | Dr. Richard Olney | Eleanor Parker | Erno Rubik | Ariel Sharon |
| Arlen Spector | Peter Tork | Jan-Michael Vincent | Lech Walesa | Jane Withers |
| HoulaGrrl | ||||
| Paul Allen | Seve Ballesteros | Mischa Barton | Ronnie Biggs | Pete Doherty |
| Pete Duranko | Roger Ebert | Elizabeth Edwards | Bryant Gumble | Stephen Hawking |
| Steve Jobs | John Wesley Jones | Kim Jong-Il | Hassan Nasrallah | Mary Kate Olsen |
| "Rowdy" Roddy Piper | Ron Springs | George Steinbrenner | Pat Summerall | Orlando Thomas |
| Verne Troyer | Jan Michael Vincent | Grete Waitz | Russell Watson | Amy Winehouse |
| Joe R. | ||||
| Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi | Seve Ballesteros | King Bhumibol of Thailand | Ronnie Biggs | O.J. Brigance |
| Dave Brubeck | Fidel Castro | Roger Ebert | Elizabeth Edwards | Peter Falk |
| Betty Ford | Zsa Zsa Gabor | Reverend Billy Graham | Merle Haggard | Marilyn Horne |
| Johnny "Lam" Jones | Kathryn Joosten | Teresa Heinz Kerry | C. Everett Koop | Rush Limbaugh |
| Vera Lynn | "Rowdy" Roddy Piper | Ariel Sharon | Orlando Thomas | |
| La Llorona | ||||
| Muhammed Ali | Ed Asner | Seve Ballesteros | Patricia C. Dunn | Roger Ebert |
| Reverend Billy Graham | Steve Jobs | Johnny “Lam” Jones | Jack Kevorkian | Larry King |
| Courtney Love | Paul McCartney | Mary-Kate Olsen | Sidney Poitier | Joan Rivers |
| Mickey Rooney | Mickey Rourke | Ron Springs | Pat Spurgeon | Elizabeth Taylor |
| Orlando Thomas | Dick Van Dyke | Nancy Wilson | Amy Winehouse | Ethan Zahn |
| La Morta la Diventa | ||||
| Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi | Kenny Baker | Seve Ballesteros | Dana Bible | Rudy Boesch |
| Pat Burns | Sonia Clarke | Tonya Cooley | Ronnie James Dio | Patricia Dunn |
| Elizabeth Edwards | Peter Falk | Betty Ford | Johnny "Lam" Jones | |
| Kathryn Joosten | Mary Ann Mobley | Eleanor Mondale | Alice Munro | Debbie Nelson |
| Lisa Ray | Chopper Read | Dave Rose | Jim Stynes | Peter Tork |
| Lisa | ||||
| Kareem Abdul-Jabbar | Pope Benedict | Mario Biaggi | Louise Bourgeois | Dave Brubeck |
| Robert Byrd | Sid Caesar | Hugh Carey | Carol Channing | Denton Cooley |
| Doris Day | Olivia de Havilland | Kirk Douglas | Elizabeth Edwards | William Godward |
| P.D. James | Kim Jong-Il | Garry Kasparov | Henry Kissinger | Jack Lalanne |
| Phyllis Lyon | Lynn Redgrave | Ariel Sharon | George Steinbrenner | |
| Lizzie | ||||
| Yogi Berra | King Bhumibol of Thailand | Pat Burns | Beverly Cleary | Al Davis |
| Jack Davis | Mort Drucker | Lawrence Ferlinghetti | Ernie Harwell | Roy Haynes |
| William Heirens | Jack Kevorkian | Lee Konitz | Charlie Louvin | Diego Maradona |
| George Martin | Harry Morgan | Sonny Rollins | Rose Marie | Maximilian Schell |
| Earl Scruggs | Ronald Searle | Steve Smith | George Steinbrenner | Bobby Thompson |
| Marilyn | ||||
| Boutros Boutros-Ghali | F. W. de Klerk | Oscar de la Renta | David Dinkins | Fats Domino |
| Elizabeth Edwards | Peter Falk | Rhonda Fleming | Ben Gazzara | Vaclav Havel |
| Marilyn Horne | Don Imus | Steve Jobs | Ed Koch | Harper Lee |
| Phil Lesh | Imelda Marcos | Jerry Maren | Nolan Miller | Eleanor Mondale |
| Ron Moody | Bess Myerson | Carl Reiner | Jean Stapleton | Margaret Thatcher |
| MCR | ||||
| Hank Aaron | Omar Abdul-Raham | Muhammed Ali | Sir Richard Attenborough | Kenny Baker |
| Pat Burns | Gary Busey | Pierre Cardin | Isabella Caro | Mike Conners |
| Jackie Cooper | Doris Day | DMX | Lola Falana | Ruth Bader Ginsberg |
| Robert Guillaume | Johnny “Lam” Jones | Kim Jong-Il | Edgar Ray Killen | Don King |
| Patrick Macnee | Shimon Peres | Amy Winehouse | David L. Wolper | Efrem Zimbalist Jr. |
| Molly Bloom, the Dog of Doom | ||||
| Claudio Abaddo | Pierette Alarie | Fidel Castro | Lawrence Ferlinghetti | |
| Joan Fontaine | Betty Ford | Terri Garr | Ruth Bader Ginsberg | Reverend Billy Graham |
| Steve Jobs | Nelson Mandela | Frederick Pohl | Nancy Reagan | Charles Rosen |
| Wolfgang Sawallisch | Pete Seeger | Sargeant Shriver | Rise Stevens | Larry Storch |
| John Paul Stevens | Giuseppe Taddei | Margaret Thatcher | Wolfgang Wagner | Esther Williams |
| Mr. C | ||||
| Muhammad Ali | Fidel Castro | Kirk Douglas | Charles Durning | Roger Ebert |
| Elizabeth Edwards | Peter Falk | Geraldine Ferraro | Betty Ford | John Forsythe |
| Annette Funicello | Zsa Zsa Gabor | James Garner | Ruth Bader Ginsberg | Bryant Gumbel |
| Herbert Lom | Nelson Mandela | Nancy Reagan | Curtis Salgado | Ariel Sharon |
| George Beverly Shea | King Norodom Sihanouk | Elizabeth Taylor | Margaret Thatcher | Abigail Van Buren |
| Putnam's Tomahawk Chop | ||||
| Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi | Paul Allen | Muhammad Ali | Seve Ballesteros | Gene Bartow |
| Ronnie Biggs | O.J. Brigance | Pat Burns | Nick Charles | Ronnie James Dio |
| Elizabeth Edwards | Doug Harvey | Johnny "Lam" Jones | Kim Jong-il | Kathryn Joosten |
| Terrence Lanni | Simon MacCorkindale | Don Meredith | Merlin Olsen | |
| Lisa Ray | Ron Springs | George Steinbrenner | Orlando Thomas | Ethan Zohn |
| Satan's Wombats | ||||
| Kareem Abdul-Jabbar | Paul Allen | Frank Cady | Sid Caesar | Fidel Castro |
| Jeff Conaway | Kirk Douglas | Peter Falk | Andy Griffith | Dolores Hope |
| Dennis Hopper | Kathryn Joosten | B.B. King | Phil Knight | Rush Limbaugh |
| Simon MacCorkindale | Barack Obama | Merlin Olsen | Travis Pastrana | Christopher Plummer |
| Rose Marie | Rebecca Schall | Dick Van Dyke | Amy Winehouse | Zakk Wylde |
| Stiff Competition | ||||
| Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi | Muhammed Ali | Bob Barker | Barbara Billingsley | Mel Brooks |
| Dick Clark | Vic Damone | Phyllis Diller | Chris Economaki | |
| Peter Graves | Henry Heimlich | Jake LaMotta | Art Linkletter | Greg Louganis |
| Courtney Love | Mitch Miller | Keith Richards | O. J. Simpson | George Steinbrenner |
| Steven Tyler | Eddie Van Halen | Abe Vigoda | Ralph C. Wilson | Adam Yauch |
| Team Dirt | ||||
| Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi | Muhammad Ali | Ronnie Biggs | Fidel Castro | |
| Dick Clark | Kirk Douglas | Geraldine Ferraro | Laurent Fignon | |
| Betty Ford | Annette Funnicello | Zsa Zsa Gabor | Ruth Bader Ginsberg | Reverend Billy Graham |
| Ernie Harwell | Kathryn Joosten | Jack Kevorkian | Rush Limbaugh | Prince Phillip |
| King Norodom Sihanouk | Ron Springs | Elizabeth Taylor | Peter Tork | |
| The Ghost of Toast | ||||
| Muhammed Ali | Fidel Castro | Carol Channing | Jeff Conaway | Andy Dick |
| Phyllis Diller | Kirk Douglas | Peter Falk | Heidi Fliess | Reverend Billy Graham |
| Steven Hawking | Kim Jong Il | Jack Kervorkian | BB King | Joanie Laurer aka Chyna |
| Jerry Lewis | Jerry Lee Lewis | Brock Lesher | Courtney Love | Nancy Reagan |
| Arlen Spector | Elizabeth Taylor | Clare Wallmeyer | Rachel Wallmeyer | Amy Winehouse |